Monday, 15 October 2012

Cattle Thieves

Sinha’s hard disk got corrupt and he had to buy a new hard disk to complete his final year project. Mehboob had to buy some new books, more than the books he needed a pair of formal shoes he supposed to wear on final project presentation day. One particular day Mehboob and Sinha were having a good old monk time and discussed about how to earn some money to fulfill their needs. This amusing incident happened during the early part of our final semester in engineering.  During that time we all were extremely annoyed with the countless cows roamed freely in hostel premises due to lack of proper fencing.  

We didn't have any clue from where the hell those abounding cows came to our campus and shit all over the place.  It was extremely frustrating when any of us slipped over cow dung especially during the night time. While discussing with Sinha, Mehboob came up with an idea “What if we can sell some of these cows roaming around in the hostel?” After some discussion Sinha was also in favor of the idea. He said “may be no one own these cows and it shouldn't be much of a problem to sell them” But their main concern was us, the hostel-3 boarders and they wanted to keep it a secret. Who would want to carry the burden of “cattle thief” tag name that too in the final semester? 

Next few days they did a little survey about the feasibility of their mission. Initially they approached Dileep and asked him whether he had any idea regarding the ownership of the cows roaming within the hostel campus. Dileep was a temporary hostel boy that time. Dileep said to them “Ratneshwar (one of the hostel cook) will have some answer as he is a local guy born and brought up in a nearby village, you guys better ask him” so Sinha and Mehboob now started to deal with Ratneshwar. After few rounds of discussion Ratneshwar was able to gain their confidence. They thought Ratneshwar could be quite handy in catching and selling the cows. So, they included Ratneshwar in their conspiracy and came out with a formula on how to share the profit.  Ratneshwar told that they could sell the cows in a nearby village which is well known to him. He said that the market price of a cow is between Rs 2000 to 3000 and they would need a Tempo to transport the parcels from hostel to the cattle market.

Few times Ratneshwar came to Sinha and Mehboob’s room for discussion. That time they were so apprehensive and used to lock the door from inside. Just imagine the situation that Ratneshwar the cook is inside Sinha’s room and the door is locked from inside. Both Sinha and Mehboob knew very well about the consequences and so they didn't took any chance. They strictly told Ratneshwar “next time onward you shouldn't come to our room. Sometimes after midnight we may come to your stuff room if necessary. It seems one day JP saw them discussing with Ratneshwar for quite a long time. JP started to pull their legs “what is going on with you guys? What business you have with Ratneshwar?” Earlier they thought to include JP also in their mission but they didn't want one more share holder..

Next few days Mehboob and Sinha discussed on what they would do with the money? One day Ratneshwar told them that he’s able to arrange for a PILOT. Yes, Ratneshwar used to call bus/truck driver as PILOT. He said “it will cost Rs 400 for transporting the cows and we need to pay Rs 200 in advance.” They paid Ratneshwar the advance and asked him to tackle it nicely and also to fix a date of transportation. They also said strictly to Ratneshwar that the tempo should come at dawn and if it comes at broad day light then it would be a big problem.

The date was fixed on some Sunday and they planned to catch some cows few hours before dawn. Everything was going according to their plan but unfortunately for them, that particular night our Thapa da came to hostel to treat the entire 8th semester batch for his new job. That evening entire 8th semester batch were busy partying including Sinha and Mehboob. They were little worried but thought once every one go to sleep then they would catch some cows.  By around 2:30 AM almost everyone gradually went to their respective rooms. Sinha and Mehboob walked around the entire hostel campus to check if everyone actually went to sleep? They observed that in only Dhunu’s room the light was still on. Almost all nocturnal in hostel that time knew that Dhunu had a peculiar habit of enjoying a round trip of the entire hostel holding a cigarette in his hand just before he goes to sleep. Sinha and Mehboob waited for this to happen and finally when Dhunu was done with his round trip and switched off his light, they started to work. First they went to Ratneshwar’s room to bring him down. 

Now catching a cow was something they had never done before and they totally relied on Ratneshwar for that. That was the moment when they realized that Ratneshwar was much more Idiot than they previously expected him to be. There were many cows as well as cow dung all over the place.  Ratneshwar wasn't of much help to them , neither physically nor morally. It was a very dark night and they had no idea how to go ahead?  After some time Mehboob came up with an idea, he said to them “we will need a rope to tie up the cow. I will hold the tail of the cow so that it will not able to move and Sinha, you can tie her up” They sent Ratneshwar to bring a piece of rope. Mehboob tried to hold the tail of a cow tightly. All of a sudden the cow started to shit and Mehboob’s hand filled with cow dung. The cow started to move slowly and Mehboob hold her tail very tightly. Till now Sinha didn't get any opportunity to tie her up. Suddenly with her full energy and with the typical cow sound she started to move and literally dragged Mehboob to quite a distance.  Mehboob also started to make some kind of sound and after being dragged for some distance he fell into the mud along with cow dung. Mehboob was very irritated on that and shouted at Ratneshwar “You ass hole, what the hell are u doing?” Mehboob came up with another plan and said to them “I and Ratneshwar will hold the tail tightly and Sinha will hold her from the front. As soon as you get an opportunity, Sinha, you tie the rope on her neck”.  This plan was successful even though they had to struggle for another half an hour.  Ultimately they were able to catch hold of one cow. They tied the cow in an electric post just outside the hostel gate. To celebrate their success they immediately lighted a cigarette.  After sometime they thought that they have to catch hold of at least one more but all the cows have moved to different place. As, it was very dark they were not able to find any cow in the campus and decided to try their luck at nearby Manoj Dhava. At that place the cows had enough space to run and they found it very difficult to catch any of them. Eventually they gave up as it was already 4:30 AM and the Tempo could come any moment. They decided to wait near the APRO road somewhere in between the two hills, as the Temp would come through that direction.

All the 3 idiots were waiting for the Tempo and Mehboob as usual was shouting at Ratneshwar “You ass hole, when will the Tempo come?” Ratneshwar replied “Don’t worry Mehboob da, the PILOT can come at any moment”.  Mehboob asked Ratneshwar “Did you tell the PILOT that the cows we are going to sell are not ours? Ratneshwar replied “no Mehboob da, I never told him like that” Mehboob lighted a cigarette to pass some time, then another one. They almost finished half a packet of charms but the PILOT never came. It was a long wait and it was already 5:30 AM. They were worried as the cow owner might come to look for his cow and it could jeopardize their prestige.  Mehboob continued to shout at Ratneshwar with all those sweet words he knew. Poor Ratneshwar, what else he could have done? Finally they gave up and came back to hostel and untied the cow they caught.

After shower Mehboob lighted a cigarette, he was very frustrated and Ratneshwar was also not there to shout at. He knocked one first semester door and shouted at him “It’s already 6 AM, why you are still sleeping? Wake up all the first semester guys and Go for jogging now”  The poor guy replied “Mehboob da, we already got our fresher’s, do we still have to go for jogging? Mehboob was arguing with him and Sinha tried to cool him down. After some time they both went to sleep. At around 8 AM, Ratneshwar came to their room and said “the PILOT has arrived, can we go now?” Mehboob replied to him “no need, it’s all over now.  Tell your PILOT to just leave from here.  Ratneshwar replied “but we will have to pay him the remaining 200 Rs” Mehboob became extremely furious on that and shouted like a mad person “ass hole, we will not give even a single penny. Ask you PILOT to leave from here. Don’t discuss about this incident with anyone, else you will have to face the consequences”

So, finally the mission could not be accomplished. They were able to keep this incident secret and only revealed after passing out of Engineering college. 


  1. Superb , very well written ..
    Jahid you are a rock-star !!!!!.

  2. lol, that's one memory missing from my school years, cows!

    1. Ha ha Sandra... lovely cow memory :)


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